you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Two words: blizzard sex
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
