fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
