Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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