dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
