I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A+ Viking dick
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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