went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
