Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
