I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
