**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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