I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
