I got chris browned last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
