Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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