omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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