Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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