explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Never joke about your clitoris.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
