woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
