I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
