in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
