Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry this1ismine hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(860): View more from Connecticut

Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.

Fav 2 766 2776
share tweet
(951): View more from California

As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it

Fav 9 2709 966
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(580): View more from Oklahoma

That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.

Fav 77 2889 5231
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.

Fav 21 1071 5539
share tweet
(732): View more from New Jersey

His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him

Fav 8 1133 4193
share tweet
(734): View more from Michigan

How was the bike ride?

(1-734): View more from Michigan

Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

Fav 21 9073 1567
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(432): View more from Texas

she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.

Fav 18 4166 1124
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(954): View more from Florida

Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order

Fav 0 711 674
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(240): View more from Maryland

I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.

Fav 2 235 99
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT