I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
