Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
