I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize