they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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