Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think my vagina is haunted
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
