Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
