this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You were trust falling into bushes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
