i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oh god it's open bar.
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