he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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