I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
