there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
