On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Too much gin, very little bucket
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
