I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
