YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm just crazy horny about you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
