When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
