I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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