I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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