so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
