You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
