I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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