update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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