you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
