I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
