It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
