I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
