it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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