my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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