I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize