Best friends brother. Beat that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
