Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Im part way to drunk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
