Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
