I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
