idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
