This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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