Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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