You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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