Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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