I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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