i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
