It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
