no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
