hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
