Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
