I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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