I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
