Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
