PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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