Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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