I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
