Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
