you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
