How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
